Reality Through a Story I Imagined.

This is a story I imagined of my own reality and a realization that to this day I still grapple with as it so persistently grips all of my being. It was written in October 2015 and I have decided to post it in the spirit of this new blog and the beauty of self expression. Here goes...

I imagined it happening in the most unusual of places.. not in some mystical forest or old haunted house or even a magical fairy beach, but in a completely packed parking lot, in broad daylight. The sun was just about reaching center sky, leaving no shadows and not even a single cloud to be seen. The murmuring of voices would've been all around... and then it would stop me. Stop me dead in my tracks, because of the realization that I'd come to, an epiphany of sorts.

I see myself breaking out into a run, my backpack slamming into me, me trying to hold my pants up as I bolted forward. I wouldn't be able to stop! It's too intense, too insanely unbelievable for anything but a breathless, "Eeeep!" roaring through me and slipping through my lips.

You have to understand, like I'd honestly known this for a long time, for ages in fact, but this... this was different. There are moments when things aren't merely thoroughly comprehended but intricately known. Resonating with one's being and dropping into one's heart and soul.

He..He!! HE !!!

But wait let me rather explain in a bit more detail.

I'd actually become too familiar with this idea; that a man named Jesus loves us all. Possibly because it seemed so broad like bro, He loves eeeeverybody. I began equating it to something finite, something leveled and shared to the point that it was vague and unrecognizable. I mean that's what happens to a sandwich right? The more people that have a piece, the less there is for you.

But that would be MADNESS! How could we DARE nullify this LOVE to the point that it was worthless to us!!!

I'm blaming that stupid sandwich... I mean it wasn't like Him at all. It was measurable. . .inadequate, clearly not even remotely made for this. Possibly.. possibly it was at least tasty or hopefully anyway, but. . . BUT (and that's a biiig but) in comparison to HIM- it's VOID of all substance and even an ounce of worth.

I'd made my God; my GOOD and PERFECT God into something of corruptible man. Lowered His magnitude and immeasurable GLORY to something I could manage. Something on my own level rather than rejoicing in His SOVEREIGNTY and stretching the bounds of my mind, heart and soul to His DEPTH and ENORMITY.

I needed to be a kid again. Utterly, completely and totally content to be dependent on HIM. Grasping all that I could hold, sure of its OVER-TAKING IMMENSITY and my inability to fully take it all in, but rested. Rested in the ABSOLUTE BEAUTY of it ALL, of HIM!

So I say it again. . . He..He!! HE !!! OH MY FLIPPING-CHEESECAKE-MONKEY-PUPPY-WORD !!! HE... HE... LOOOOOOOOOOVES ME !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Beyond ALL MEASURE, Greater than ANYTHING I've EVER IMAGINED. With an EVERLASTING, magnificently perfect ETERNAL LOVE. In ALL EXTRAVAGANCE.. am I LOVED by THE GOD of thee ENTIRE UNIVERSE! ALL powerful KING of KINGS, LORD of LORDS, Almighty GOD !!!

In that moment it really wasn't about some parking lot filled with people or even whether my pants would actually stay up while I ran, but right then, in that moment. . . I was so CRAZY AWESTRUCK that I was unable to even FATHOM what I was to do with myself.

He is GOD... The One True LIVING and ULTIMATE GOD and He..He!! HE !!! LOVES ME ! Me?!

That shook me to the core. . .and I hope that that SHAKES you too because this love is for YOU.

Jeanique van Blerk

//iridescent_poet// October 2015 ♡♡♡